How To Sneak Your Dog Into A No-Dog Apartment

Fine, you should have taken care of this obstacle before setting eyes on your pad of perfection, but you didn’t. And now you’re sitting there all red-eyed and pathetic because you have to make a choice: your home or your dog.

Forget that. There’s no way you’re giving up your stellar apartment. The one with the fireplace, high ceilings, and a kitchen that you’re way too stoked about considering you can’t even boil a pot of water successfully. And you’re definitely not giving up your dog. Not your beloved puppy who has been by your side through the good times and the bad. The late nights and the early mornings. The breakups and the makeups. You will find a way for them to coexist, regardless of the cost.

So what are you going to do?

Well, you’re going to get creative. You’re going to do what you promised yourself you would never do. You’re going to blatantly lie to your landlord and sneak your baby in!

Mandatory Disclaimer: We here at Stylepup do not endorse breaking the rules and going behind your landlord’s back to sneak your dog into a dog-free apartment. We would never want anyone reading the next few sections to think that we would actually sneak a perfectly good dog into an apartment that has banned them for no reason. We wouldn’t even call what lies below advice. It’s more like jokes. Stuff we made up! We’d never, ever try any of this. Because sneaking your dog into an apartment which clearly told you it was against the rules is wrong. Very bad.  In other words, if you try any the advice below and get caught, we’d really appreciate it if you didn’t sue us.

Now then…

Step 1: Keep Him Invisible

Your landlord won’t find out that you own a dog if he never sees said dog, right? Right. This is why it is imperative that your dog remain invisible at all times. Dog? What dog? You don’t have a dog! This is a dog-free apartment!

Puppy invisibility means a few things. First, it means that when you move into your apartment, leave the dog, the food bowls, the dog house, the toys and the 50lb bag of dog food somewhere else. I don’t care where you leave it, just make sure it is nowhere near your new apartment. The likelihood that your landlord will stop by to “check on things” while you’re first moving in is too high to risk it. They may have forgotten to give you a second set of keys, to invite you to the community picnic happening next weekend or to bring you page 87 of your 200 page lease that you neglected to sign. On the positive side, if you ignore this piece of advice and your landlord does stop by and see your dog, well…at least your boxes are already packed when you get kicked out, right?

Wrong. Leave your dog at your old place and then quietly sneak bring him over later. When it’s dark out. And your landlord and dog-fearing children have gone to bed.

But that’s not the last time your dog is going to have to find another place to stay for awhile. Oh no. There will be times during the year when maintenance people will have to come by to paint your railing or clean the leaves off your balcony or fix your leaky sink. When this happens, you’ll have to find a place to stash your dog for a day. Believe it or not, I once held off breaking up with a guy solely because I knew my annual apartment inspection was coming up and I’d need a place for my baby to hide out. I like to think that it doesn’t make me a bad person, but instead, a good dog owner.

Another instance when you’re going to have to hide your dog is during your nightly walk. There are a few ways you can go about this.

1. If your parking spot is near your apartment, you can quickly whisk your puppy away and drive a safe distance before letting him out to stretch his legs and do his business. When taking the puppy outside, try to conceal him in a bag that doesn’t scream “I HAVE A DOG IN HERE!”. Be subtle.
2. If your parking spot is NOT near your apartment, I’d recommend you wait til nightfall and then drive your puppy to go a good walking spot. It may sound extreme, but when it comes to your puppy, it’s better safe than sorry, right? You never know when your landlord or a nosy, dog-hating neighbor will be walking around.

Step 2: Keep Him Quiet

This is crucial. There shall be no puppy whining, barking or yelping at any time. If you have a yappy dog, then you shouldn’t even bother trying to sneak him in. It’s not going to work.

There are some tricks you can use, however, to help keep your dog quiet.

Most dogs will generally remain quiet and well-behaved when their owners are home and around to love them. It’s when you leave your apartment that you really have to worry. If you’re not sure how your puppy will react to being left home alone, lock him in a room and then videotape him while you’re gone to see what he does during the day when you’re not around. If he generally just sleeps and kicks back, you’re as golden as a retriever. If not, you may be in for a rough time.

Think about putting your puppy into some kind of boarding program while you are gone during the day. This will give your dog a chance to interact with his peers and get his aggression out, while allowing you to keep the apartment you have fallen head over heels for.  If boarding or puppy daycare isn’t a possibility, talk to your boss and see if he/she won’t let you bring your puppy with you a few days a week. Most bosses will be against this, but there are some who will humor you and let your puppy tag along. And heck, it’s a worth a shot to ask, right? If not, consider getting a job at Google. They love dogs there.

If you can’t bring your dog to work or afford to find a place for him to play during the day, then you’re going to have to get creative at home.  Make sure your dog has plenty of things to occupy his time while he’s home alone. Give him lots of treats and toys and leave the television or radio on to help your puppy not hear anything else and to make sure no one else hears your puppy. It’s one of the oldest tricks in the book, but hey, it works.

There may also be times when you’ll need to keep your puppy quiet when a neighbor a landlord knocks on the door. Never, ever let anyone inside your apartment when your dog is loose. You can’t trust anyone with your secret. As soon as you hear that knock on the door, lock your puppy up. Put him a dog house, a dog carrier or just shoo him into the bathroom, but make sure he is out of sight. And if you can, have some water running or, again, the TV on to help block out the noise. Sure, this may make you look like a crazy person to your neighbors if your water is always running when they come to the door, but at least you’re a crazy person with a dog. And if they start leaving you pamphlets about the importance of conserving water, well…I’ll tell you what to do with those in a bit.

Step 3: Keep Him Good

It does you no good for your puppy to be invisible and quiet if he’s chewing the furniture and leaving you love puddles in the middle of your carpet. If you’re going to sneak your puppy into a pet-free apartment, then you’re going to have to make sure he knows the rules.

There’s really only one rule and it’s this: Behave your damn self!

If the dog you’re sneaking in is a puppy, make sure he’s both trained and housebroken. If he’s not, then I would not advise bringing him into an apartment situation. Untrained puppies will eat carpets, stain rugs, scratch doors and show you exactly why your landlord doesn’t allow dogs in the first place.

Dog training books can help you learn the tools you’ll need to teach your puppy how to win your heart and a place in your apartment. There are also products that will make couch legs take less than tasty for dogs.

If your dog has a hard time holding his bladder during the day, paper train him and then line the floor with newspaper or those water conservation packets your neighbors gave you.  Anything to protect your carpet.

If your puppy can be trusted most of the time, but not all, then only let him run loose when you’re around to supervise. The minute you go out you need to put him in a crate or confine him to a room where he can’t do any real damage. Like the bathroom. Tile is your friend when it comes to naughty puppies and dogs. This may sound a bit extreme or harsh for the day, but you’re the one who didn’t read your lease requirements beforehand. Don’t blame it on me.

Step 4: Bidding Farewell To Your Apartment…and covering up your tracks

At some point, you’re going to grow out of your perfect apartment and it will be time to go. When you leave, make sure you take all evidence of an illegal canine with you. That mean fixing missing carpet patches, having your rug cleaned, etc. It may feel like a pain in the butt to fix up an apartment you’re leaving, but if your landlord finds out you were housing a dog all this time — they make take away your entire security deposit or instill some crazy retroactive pet fee. You don’t want to have to deal with this.

So For Next Time…

I hope that these tips and tricks help you in your quest to get your dog into a dog-free apartment. Next time, realize that with the Internet and rental services that are now available, it’s often a lot easier to find an apartment that does allow pets than to sneak one into a place that doesn’t. So save yourself the stress and the hassle next time around and do some research before you set eyes on apartment you’ll have to break the rules to live in. You know, unless you enjoy your invisible dog and ninja ways.

Good luck. ;)

Subscribe to the Stylepup feed | Follow Stylepup on Twitter

Share This Post

Related Articles

No related posts